ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِى
ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلۡڪَـٰظِمِينَ ٱلۡغَيۡظَ وَٱلۡعَافِينَ عَنِ
ٱلنَّاسِۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِينَ
“…Those who spend (freely) whether in prosperity or in
adversity; who restrain their anger and pardon men; And Allah loves those who
do good.”
(Surah Aale Imran – 3 : 134)
It
is narrated from Imam Sadiq (a.s) that he heard his father Imam Baqir (a.s), as
saying: "A bedouin came to the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) and said: `I live
in the desert. Teach me the essence of wisdom.' Thereupon the Holy Prophet
(s.a.w.a.) said to him: `I command you not to get angry'. After repeating his
question thrice (and hearing the same reply from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) every
time) the bedouin said to himself: `After this I will not ask any question,
since the Apostle of God (s.a.w.a.) does not command anything but good'."
The
Almighty Allah has ingrained man with many emotions like fear, lust, anger etc.
These emotions, when used in moderation elevate the faith. The trait of anger which
is found in man has its extremities and man should use it in moderation because
if man did not have the trait of anger then he would not have the courage to
fight for his rights or to prevent people from doing oppression and evil deeds.
If man goes to the other extreme of anger then he turns into an insane being
having no idea of the damage he will do.
The
anger, which we are exposed today, is of the latter category. We have
experienced that after getting angry we are remorseful and feel guilty. In the
fit of rage we say and do many things which are below our dignity and which
also causes grief to our loved ones. This state of human mind has been rightly
pointed out by Ameerul Momineen Imam Ali (a.s.) as follows: "Anger is a
stroke of madness, since the afflicted later feels remorse and regrets. If
someone does not feel any remorse after anger, it means that his madness has
become fixed."
So
how does one prevent himself from reaching the extreme stage of madness? For
this, first we will have to identify the causes of anger.
CAUSES OF ANGER
a) Not willing to leave the comfort
zone
Today, man has involved himself and deeply loves
worldly comfort. He has high expectations from the world. Man wants pleasure,
comfort, money, fame and power. He wants a comfortable life. The moment he is
forced to leave his comfort zone, he is in a state of turmoil. He will get
angry for small reasons, like not being able to find his socks at home, delay
due to traffic, someone dropping his mobile by mistake or someone touching /
pushing him unintentionally while in a crowd. He is not willing to accept any
financial loss and liability. He sees his worldly loss as a big loss to
himself. He is not willing to categorise these calamities as examination or
compensation of sins.
b) Not managing time.
Improper
time management leads to great stress, despair and anger. During the year, a
student is least bothered about his exam. At the time of exam, the portion
looks like an ocean and he finds himself stressed. A small provocation is sufficient
to make him angry. Similarly, when in office, he is busy with his friends,
surfing, whatsapp, facebook and other social media sites. In the evening, he
realises the pending work and stays up late at office. Sometimes, he postpones
the work for the next day. These things keep on piling up and he ends up not
being able to meet deadlines, is accused for poor performance and sometimes
asked to quit. This stress is seen in his behaviour, attitude and language.
Apart from his office colleagues, even his family members can feel the pressure
in the form of anger. The only cause for such a situation was lack of time
management.
c) Not being able to work with people
with different temperament
When a
person is involved in social work, he has to work with people coming from
diverse social and educational background. He has to seek cooperation from all
kinds of people. Everyone has his own limitations and thought process. What may
be common-sense to someone may be unacceptable to another. A simple witty statement could be misunderstood as
display of arrogance, irresponsible criticism or purposeful insult. Not everyone can look at the same
perspective as he is looking. Not being able to manage people with different
temperaments can thus lead a person to use anger as a tool to manage. He uses
rude language, insensitive follow-ups, disregards human relationships thereby
falling prey to shaitaan.
d) Having high expectations
Sometime
people get angry when they see that the other person is not doing as he is told
or as expected. He does not realise that his expectations are actually very
high and unachievable. Expecting a child with an average IQ to get 90% marks is
wrong expectation altogether. To get angry on such a child would not help. Many
a people have destroyed their family life due to high expectations from wife
and have destroyed their office career due to wrong expectations from their
team. Getting angry on wrong expectations is mere foolishness.
After
having a look at the various causes of anger, let us move on to understand ways and means through which we can control our
anger.
REMEDY FOR ANGER
a) Knowing and reminding ourself the
ill-consequences of anger
Another
way to counter anger is to understand that it has ill-consequences in this world
and the hereafter also. Studies have shown that recurring bursts of anger can lead
to headache, depression, insomnia, skin problems, heart problems and stroke. Traditions
have also mentioned the harmful effects of anger as follows. We present a few
traditions from Ameerul Momeneen (a.s.) as mentioned in the book Ghurar-al-Hikam,
Ch: Anger
·
Anger strikes down its possessor and exposes his
faults.
الْغَضَبُ يُرْدي
صاحِبَهُ، ويُبْدي مَعايِبَهُ.
·
Anger is a kindled fire, one who suppresses it
extinguishes the fire and one who lets it burn freely is the first person who
will be burnt by it.
اَلغَضَبُ نارٌ مُوقَدَةٌ، مَنْ كَظَمَهُ أطْفَأَها،
ومَنْ أطْلَقَهُ كانَ أوَّلَ مُحْتَرِق بِها.
·
Anger arouses hidden feelings of malice.
اَلْغَضَبُ يُثيرُ كَوامِنَ الحِقْدِ
·
Keep away from anger, for its beginning is madness
and its end is regret.
إيّاكَ والغَضَبَ، فَأوَّلُهُ جُنُونٌ، وآخِرُهُ نَدَمٌ.
b) Using water to extinguish the fire
of anger
Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) has said,
"Anger is from Shaitan, Shaitan is from fire;
fire is put out by water; so when one is angry he should do Wudu
(Ablution)."
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a.) has said, “Anytime one
of you gets angry, he should wash his face with cold water since surely anger
is from the hell fire.”
قَالَ رَسُولُ اللٌّهِ:
إِذَا غَضِبَ أَحَدُكُمْ، فَيَتَوَضَّأْ بِالْمَآءِ الْبَارِدِ، فَإِنَّ الْغَضَبَ
مِنَ النَّارِ
c) Free yourself from the trap of
shaitaan.
Imam Muhammad Baqir (a.s.) said: "Verily, anger is a spark ignited by the
Satan in the human heart. Indeed, when anyone of you gets angry, his eyes
become red, the veins of his neck become swollen and Satan enters them.
Therefore, whosoever among you is concerned about himself on account of it, he
should lie down for a while so that the filth of Satan may be removed from him
at the time."
d) Fasting as a compensation for
anger
There
have been incidences in history of ulemas wherein to control their anger they
would fast for days. One such incident is of Ayatullah Burujardi (a.r.). : Ayatullah Burujardi (a.r.)
had made a vow, in order to train his soul, that if he ever said something
unbefitting in anger, he would fast one whole year. One day he was sitting
teaching a class in Burujerd. At these times he had a great presence and a
special dignity. A student began to argue with him, and Agha answered his query. He raised
another objection, which was also answered. However, when he objected a third
time, Ayatullah Burujerdi became momentarily angry and with an annoyed tone, he
said from the pulpit, “Be quiet, young man”.
However, realising what he
had done, as soon as Agha finished his class, he called that student and, in
front of the whole class, he bowed and kissed his (student’s) hand
and gave him a cloak and 500 Tumans (a reasonable amount in those days), and then said, “Forgive the
mistake of Burujerdi! I do not understand how the reins of my soul slipped from
my hands and why I asked you to be quiet in front of everyone.”
From the very next day,
Ayatullah Burujerdi began to fast - just for one harsh word, which in
itself was neither backbiting nor a lie. (Taken from the speech of Haj
Agha Hashimi Najhad, as quoted in “Karamat wa Hikayate Ashiqane Khuda” -
“Miracles and Anecdotes of the Close
Servants of Allah”)
We need
to understand that Ayatullah
Burujardi (a.r.) considered a single occasion of anger as a great mistake which
required more than 350 fasts to compensate!!! Woe unto us, we are used to so
many instances of anger in a single day.
e) Silence and patience while facing
provocations.
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.a) has
said, “When you get angry then keep quiet.”
قَالَ رَسُولُ اللٌّهُ: إِذَا غَضِبْتَ فَاسْكُتْ.
There is
a thought provoking incident of Khwaja Nasiruddin Toosi(a.r.) which Allamah
Husain Noori (a.r.) quotes in the latter part of his book Mustradak al Wasail.
One day
Khwaja Naseer received a letter that contained abuses for him and filthy
language. One of the sentences was “The dog (referring to Khwaja Naseer) and
the son of a dog.” When he
read it he became serious, and sat down to answer it. He used neither a bad
word nor filthy language and wrote: “You have addressed me as a dog, but it is
not at all true. For a dog walks on his four legs and its paw has large nails,
whereas I walk upright on my two legs and have no paws
and my nails are cut. I am a human who talks and laughs, and my qualities are
averse to that of a dog.” After finishing he declared openly that the writer of
the letter was his friend from that day onwards and that he bore no animosity
towards him.
f) Our attitude towards life should
be based on teachings of Ahle Bait (a.s.)
A person needs to realise that all things are not
under his control. He should satisfy himself with the decisions of his Lord and
be content with what Allah (s.w.t.) has destined for him. Allah does not do
injustice on his creation. Whatever calamities come upon us, it is either they
are punishment of our sin or examination from Allah and not injustice.
He should realise that the world is temporary and
nothing will remain. It is only a matter of time that things will perish. Undue
love of the world would lead a person to hell. A person should not feel angry
on loss of world. Rather, he should feel angry over loss of opportunity to do good
deeds or on earning bad deeds.
A person should expect that others would be
commiting mistakes and errors and he should be ready to forget and forgive them
and not get angry. Allah overlooks many of our sins, has veiled many of our
sins and forgives most of them.
The above remedial measures will not
take place overnight. One has to train himself to change his lifestyle and
thoughts. We conclude this article with the following advice of Holy Prophet
(s.a.w.s).
قَالَ رَسُولُ اللٌّه يَا عَلِيُّ
أُوصِيكَ بِوَصِيَّةِ فَاحْفَظْهَا فَلاَ تَزَالُ بِخَيْرٍ مَا حَفِظْتَ
وَصِيَّتِـي. يَا عَلِيُّ مَنْ كَظُمَ غَيْظاً وَ هُوَ يَقْدِرُ عَلى إِمْضَائِهِ
أَعْقَبَهُ اللٌّهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ أَمْناً وَإِيْمَاناً يَجِدُ طَعْمَهُ.
The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.a.) has said, “O Ali!
I advise you (in regards to something) with a piece of advice, so then
safe-guard this as you shall never be devoid of goodness as long as you have
safe-guarded my recommendation. O Ali! Allah will grant the one who swallows
his anger – while he is able to act out his rage - with protection and faith on
the Day of Judgment whose pleasure the person will taste.”
Let us pray to the Almighty that He gives us
tawfeeq through the medium of His Last Hujjat (a.t.f.s) to restrain ourselves
from anger. We also seek His forgiveness for our past misdoings, when we were
in the state of anger.
